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That Time Jeff Goldblum Told You To Go Out & Get Laid After Beating Jurassic Park

Shout out to my good buddy Brian T for alerting me to this incredible tidbit of gaming history!

That Time Jeff Goldblum Told You To Go Out & Get Laid After Beating Jurassic Park
Congrats. loser! Now put the controller down and go get laid.

Let's take a moment to rewind and step back into the era of polygonal graphics and groundbreaking 3D games – welcome to the age of PlayStation 1 and Sega Saturn. The game? "The Lost World: Jurassic Park," a game most would agree wasn’t exactly the crown jewel of PS1’s lineup.

Jeff Goldblum: Go Out & Get Laid After Jurassic Park

Delving into the depths of this side-scrolling adventure, where players could control five diverse characters, from the agile Velociraptor to the indomitable T-Rex, and even Dr. Sarah Harding (labeled the "Human Prey"), this game, developed by DreamWorks Interactive and published by Electronic Arts, surely stood out. But not always for the reasons one might think.

For the brave few who persevered, battling against InGen hunters, scavenging for items like gas canisters and rocket launchers, or even merely attempting to survive the island's escalating chaos, there awaited a surprise. Upon collecting every "DNA bonus" hidden within the game’s levels, players wouldn't find the typical celebratory end-game content. Instead, they'd be treated to a video message from none other than Jeff Goldblum, reprising his role as Ian Malcolm:

The cheeky message from Goldblum wasn't about praising your gaming prowess. Oh no! Goldblum, with his iconic charm, gently roasted players, essentially advising them to shut off their console, embrace the great outdoors, and perhaps indulge in some real-life interactions. The underlying humor? Not many have seen this video, likely due to the game’s challenging gameplay and divergence from the film’s plot. It's a delightful irony: One of the best parts of the game might very well be Goldblum urging you to stop playing it.

Drawing from a rich tapestry of resources – from skeletal references for creature design to the Los Angeles Zoo for movement studies – the game aimed for authenticity. Concept artist Matt Hall, and animators like Sunil Thankamuchy, labored to ensure the game’s dinosaurs moved and felt real. Even Steven Spielberg, the maestro behind the "Jurassic Park" franchise, checked in regularly, providing technical details and creative inputs.

Despite the meticulous attention to detail in game development, this hidden Goldblum gem is a testament to the quirky, unexpected delights buried in games, often in the unlikeliest of places. It's a wry nod to the golden age of gaming, where players hunted for easter eggs, not trophies or achievements.

Even decades later, the world of video gaming still holds secrets waiting to be uncovered, reminding us that sometimes the journey – or the quirky surprise at the end – is just as important as the game itself. So, next time you think of revisiting the classics, remember that there might still be a Jeff Goldblum out there, waiting to roast you.


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